


The Ache of Unbeing

by tillyenna



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Bad Parenting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Tiki Kane's A+ Parenting, abusive parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillyenna/pseuds/tillyenna
Summary: When Jonny gets to the NHL, he's definitely living the dream - except for the irritation that is Patrick Kane - but it turns out, Patrick is the way he is because he's under a lot of pressure - Jonny tries to show him that at the end of the day, whilst winning is nice, it doesn't define who you are, and it shouldn't define how you're loved.This fic contains abusive narcissistic parenting, if you are affected by any of these issues, please consider seeking help. Check the notes at the start of the fic for more details of what this fic might containTitle stole from Narcissus and Echo by Fred Chappell
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews
Comments: 20
Kudos: 243





	The Ache of Unbeing

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, so, every time Patrick Kane talks about his childhood I want to send him everything I know about narcissistic parents.
> 
> This fic contains reference to Patrick's parents controlling him, constantly criticizing him and forcing him as a 10 year old to play hockey with a broken arm against doctors orders <\- these are all things which actually happened to Kaner as a child, which he has referenced in interviews. It's not ok, and the NHL seems to think these are 'quirky' stories of his childhood that they can put in videos and we can all have a giggle over. Have a link about narcissistic parents before I go on a complete rant: https://medium.com/lady-vivra/understand-and-overcome-a-narcissistic-parent-dca3479c22cc
> 
> Parental abuse doesn't always look violent - it does always damage children. There are actually some seriously awesome facebook groups about dealing with narcissistic parents, and some great support groups out that for adult children of narcissistic parents. Please check them out if you need to.

Jonny knows that comparatively, he has very little to complain about – his life is blessed. He’s in the NHL, and it’s everything he’s ever dreamt of, third overall, drafted to Chicago. Doing his first year at college was sweet, but he’s ready for this now, and now he’s there, and on the team, coaches are already talking about giving him an A which is frankly unheard of, and yeah ok, they could be playing better, but he’s fucking lighting up when he’s on the ice, they’re fucking lighting up on the ice. Which brings him to the one thing he does have to complain about – Patrick Fucking Kane.

On the ice, playing with Kaner is like nothing else, there’s a reason they’re being touted as the future faces of the franchise, the players to bring hockey back to Chicago, their play is nothing short of electric. Off the ice, Kaner is the most uptight, repressed, stressful individual that Jonny has ever had the misfortune to encounter. He oscillates wildly between partying out with the boys and screaming at Jonny for leaving one fucking pair of socks on the floor. Jonny cannot stand him. They get into screaming matches more often than they score goals, which frankly, is saying something. They row on the bench, in the locker room, on the ice at practise, during team dinners, during team breakfasts, on the coach, on the plane – their teammates are sick of them, and frankly, Jonny’s sick of them.

He requests a different road roomie, but is told in no uncertain terms that until he and Kaner learn to get along, they will be rooming together on the road. It’s hellish and Jonny hates it.

The start of November isn’t too bad – they have a three game homestand which means when Kaner yells at him, he can come home and bitch to Seabs about it. Living with Seabs is both a blessing and a curse, because one hand, Seabs is chill, and doesn’t mind when Jonny rants at him, on the other hand, Seabs comes with Duncs attached, and whilst Duncs is equally chill, but Duncs and Seabs have the kind of easy relationship that he wishes he could have – if not with Kaner, then with someone.

They hang out after shitty games and good alike, they don’t sit there yelling about what the other one did wrong, they just drink beer and play video games and chirp the blues, and OK maybe Jonny would be more comfortable watching game tape, or watching some of their competitors rather than playing video games, but he’d take video games and chilling over game play and yelling any day of the week.

Of course, the end of the month means they’re back on the road again, and November ends with the worst road trip in the history of road trips. They lose two at the start, scrape a couple of wins, and then they lose the last two, they’re exhausted and Vancouver manage to shut them out. They decide to go out for a meal as a team, but unsurprisingly Patrick refuses to come out with them – he joins them when they hit the bars at home, but never on the road, and certainly never after a loss. Jonny’s already down in the lobby, when he realises he’s forgotten his wallet. When he gets back up to the room, Patrick is already on the phone – he tries to ignore him, which is only polite, but he can’t help but overhear.

“Yes Sir, no, I do understand Sir.” Patrick is talking into his phone, he appears to be more listening than talking if Jonny’s honest with himself. He’s curled up into the corner of the room, making himself as small as possible, and Jonny almost feels sorry for him, until he remembers that it’s Kaner, and he ignores him while he goes to rummage through his back, looking for his wallet.

“Of course Sir, yes, Sir, I understand how unacceptable it is Sir.”

Jonny can’t stop the frown flickering across his face, he wonders briefly who Kaner is talking to, but then shakes his head, it’s none of his business.

“No Sir, not crying Sir.”

Jonny can’t help himself, his eyes flick over to where Patrick is sat, and he’s chewing on his bottom lip as the caller on the other end of the line speaks, and perhaps his eyes are more red rimmed than usual, but his furious blinking means that technically, he isn’t lying.

“Yes Sir, coach has let me have a copy of the tapes Sir, I’ll review them straight away.”

Jonny grabs his wallet, and heads out to catch up with the others, but the phone call plays on his mind while they’re out, and he resolves to ask Patrick about it when he gets back to their room. It’s harder than he thought, to bring it up, but eventually, when he’s about to get into bed he turns to his roommate. “Sounded like a tough phone-call.”

Kaner shrugs, “Just Tiki,” he throws a wry smile at Jonny, “He’s just like you after a loss y’know? All, be better do better.” He chuckles a little to himself, “You guys are gonna have to meet, it’ll be like a self improvement convention.”

“Fuck off.” Jonny glares at him, because that’s the last time he tries to be nice to Kaner, and then a thought strikes him, “Wait, do you really call your dad Sir?”

Kaner looks at him like he’s got two heads, “Duh.”

“Huh,” Jonny pulls a face, “I thought that was just a weird thing Americans did in movies or whatever.” He’s met plenty of Americans before, and none of them ever did.

Patrick shrugs, “Tiki’s pretty hot on manners.”

Jonny realises with a flash, that Patrick never refers to the older Patrick Kane as ‘My Dad’ or even ‘Dad’ when he’s talking about him, it’s always ‘Tiki’. “Your family’s weird.” He decides to say.

“At least we all speak the same language.”

And there it is, sniping at each other, and as Jonny flicks out the light, everything is back to normal.

\---

Mid December, they play in Kaner’s hometown, and honestly, Jonny’s a little bit mad that they’re playing the Sabres this year but not the Jets – if they’d been heading back to Winnipeg Jonny would have been bouncing off the walls, but Kaner is acting like it’s a fucking death sentence. Miserable bastard.

It couldn’t be more awkward, except when they get to the hotel the day before, Patrick turns to him as they dump their bags and says “So, my family are taking me out to dinner this evening and they want to meet you.”

“Why?” Jonny frowns at him, they hate each other, why would Kaner’s family want to meet him.

“Because you’re instrumental to the progress of my career ok?” Patrick rolls his eyes, “All the media shit is Kane and Toews.”

“Toews and Kane,” Jonny corrects automatically,

“Shut the fuck up, just come out to dinner alright?” Kaner looks like he’s about to bust a vein or something, “I promise not to whinge about the mess this entire trip.”

“This roadie is only one game Kaner.”

“And you don’t want peace and quiet for that one game…”

“Fine.” He can’t work out why it matters to Kaner, but the prospect of one entire day without Kaner whinging about him leaving things lying around is an enticing prospect.

He pulls on a Henley, because it might be Kaner’s parents, but they’re still parents, so he sort of wants to make a good impression. They arrive at the restaurant and Jonny almost bails, but they’re sat inside, and his sisters are there, looking freaking adorable, their matching smiles make it so obvious that they’re sisters, matching to Kaner’s smile, so Jonny follows him into the restaurant.

“Nice to meet you Mrs Kane,” Jonny holds out his hand, “Mr Kane.”

“So boys,” Tiki starts as soon as their drinks orders have been taken, “How about that Calgary game.”

There’s an awkward pause, so Jonny decides to fill it, “It was a tough game.”

Tiki looks at him like he’s grown an extra head, and then turns to Patrick, “Your thoughts Buzz?”

“I know Sir,” Patrick offers a small smile, “We let ourselves down in the second.” He nudges Jonny, “Taze said as much during the intermission.”

Jonny frowns, he tries not to dwell on losses more than the day they happen, “Probably,” he shrugs, “We pulled it out for the third I guess, just not enough to change the result on the board.”

“Clearly,” Tiki turns back to Patrick, “You weren’t making enough space,”

“I know Sir,” Patrick offers, “I’ve been working on it, and you’ll notice it tomorrow.”

The rest of the dinner is awkward as hell, and Jonny can’t wait to get out of there. Patrick’s sisters seem nice, and he tries to spend most of the time talking to them and Mrs Kane – Patrick and his dad on the other hand just dissect past games, and talk about what the Sabres’ defence is looking like.

“Do they ever talk about anything that isn’t hockey?” Jonny asks eventually, his voice amused.

Donna Kane laughs, “Don’t be silly,” she smiles fondly, looking over at her husband and her son, “Hockey is everything, I’m surprised you’re not the same.”

Jonny shrugs, “I guess, I mean, David and I talk hockey a lot at home, but I’ve always been encouraged not to talk about it at the table.” He smiles a little apologetically, “But there may have been times when we ignored being called in, just to play more hockey.” He wonders briefly if Donna Kane would have called Patrick in from practise, or if her husband would have just insisted that he needed the practise.

“I don’t think Patrick knows how to talk about anything that isn’t hockey,” Erica teases her brother gently, jabbing him in the ribs, “It’s why he never has a girlfriend.”

“Hey!” Patrick scowls at his sister.

“I’m pretty sure Buzz and Jonny both do fine with the ladies,” Tiki laughs jovially, “Settling down isn’t important for young men.”

Jonny wonders briefly what Kane Srs reaction would be if he told him how little interest he had in picking up ladies, but he figures that outing himself at Patrick’s family dinner is the kind of drama that he doesn’t need.

Patrick shrugs, “Erica only wants me to settle down because she thinks I’ll let her get a boyfriend then,” he flashes a grin at Jonny, “Erica’s never having a boyfriend.”

“Agreed,” Tiki laughs, and ruffles his son’s hair. It’s the closest thing to affection that he’s shown Patrick the entire evening.

Jonny and Patrick walk back to the hotel in the cool evening air. He hadn’t planned on saying anything but the sigh he heaves when they get out of earshot of Patrick’s parents is apparently audible.

“I know,” Patrick gives him a wry smile, “Like, they can be intense. But thanks for coming along, I do owe you one.”

“Intense huh?” Jonny grins at him, “That’s one way of putting it.”

Patrick shrugs, “Tiki was a lot less…” he waves his hand, “Tiki, with you being there.”

Jonny’s step falters, if that was Tiki being less intense than usual, he didn’t want to see the usual version. “He’s hard on you huh?”

Again, another shrug from Patrick, hands shoved deep in his pockets, “Parents man.”

Jonny can’t imagine his own father criticising him after a loss, he’s always driven himself hard, but his dad helps him remember that it’s only a game, and to move on after a loss. “I guess they do know what’s best for us.” he answers diplomatically in the end.

\---

They lose against Buffalo, but they’re straight back on the plane, so Patrick doesn’t have time to see his parents after the game. Predictably, he spends the entire bus ride to the airport on the phone.

“Of course Sir,”

Jonny’s sat next to him, trying not to listen, except he knows this time that he’s talking to his dad, and he’s kind of curious.

“Yes Sir, I’ll be watching the game footage on the plane…. No Sir, I understand how unacceptable the third was, won’t happen again Sir.” He realises Jonny’s listening to him, and rolls his eyes pointedly, flashing Jonny a slight smile. “Of course Sir. We’re about to get on the plane now Sir.” It’s a lie, they’re still ten minutes out of the airport, but Jonny doesn’t begrudge him that.

They sit next to each other on the plane, and Patrick fires up the footage from the game.

“How come you even get the game footage so quickly?” Jonny asks him curiously, “Like, I thought only coaches and the captain get it.”

Patrick shrugs, “Tiki had a word with Bowman,” he knows that living with Stan gets him preferential treatment, and he tries not to let it show too often.

“Man…” Jonny shakes his head ruefully, “Your dad sure is intense.”

They settle down to watch the game, and normally, Jonny would be focusing on his own failures, places where he could have done better, but this time, he does something else instead. “Hey,” he says softly, part way through the first, “You made the space there though, like you said you would.”

Patrick shoots him a confused look, pausing the footage, “Means fuck all because it didn’t convert though.”

Jonny shrugs, “Like, you said you’d make space this game, and you did – I’d chalk that up as a win.”

Patrick’s still staring at him like he’s an idiot, “Wins only count on the board Jonny.” He intones, like he’s quoting something, and Jonny would bet good money that he’s quoting his dad.

\---

Jonny’s named Alternate partway through December, which is the craziest thing in the world, because he hasn’t even played an entire season with these boys yet, but he guesses it’s partly because he yells at them in the locker room anyway.

Except the first loss they have after he’s made alternate, when he goes to yell at them to be better during the second intermission, he catches Patrick before they head back out onto the ice. “Just keep doing what you’re doing Kaner,” he says honestly, “You’re not the problem out there.”

Patrick looks baffled, but then he doesn’t look like he’s been crying after his phone call with his dad, so Jonny chalks that up to a win and doesn’t give a shit that it’s not a win that’s reflected on the board.

\---

January is sadly a fucking shit show, they have a long losing streak to start the month and another to end it, February tacks on to the end of the losing streak, and when they lose in a shoot-out to the Sharks, even Jonny doesn’t feel like going out for dinner. He knows Patrick will be feeling worse however, having flubbed his shoot-out attempt – so he gives him space to make his usual nightly phone call with his dad by having an extra long shower.

When Jonny gets back into the room, it’s clear Patrick’s been crying, his eyes are rimmed with red, and he looks exhausted.

“Hey,” Jonny says softly, slipping into bed, “Like, I know it was a shit storm, but we’ll do better tomorrow.”

Patrick rolls his eyes, and Jonny can tell he didn’t hear what Jonny meant, “I know,” he shakes his head, “I’ve just got to do better.”

“No.” Jonny sits up in bed, turning towards him, “You’re not listening to me Patrick.”

“Can you fucking not,” Patrick flips his middle finger towards him, “I’ve had enough from my fucking dad tonight, I don’t need Captain Perfect stepping in.”

“I’m not….” Jonny starts to protest the captain moniker, but then he remembers what he’s trying to say. “Please,” he lets his voice soften, “Just hear me out.”

Patrick throws himself back into his bed, pulling his covers up around him, “Apparently I can’t shut you up.”

“We need to be better Patrick, all of us, not just you.” Jonny scrubs his face with his hands, “You’re the most dedicated guy out there Kaner, and you out-perform the rest of us 90% of the time, I’m saying we should all be better.” He’s not making a lot of sense and he knows it, “I’m rambling Kaner, but what I’m trying to say is that it’s not all on your shoulders.”

Patrick looks over his shoulder to shoot him a withered look, “I’m not going to suck your dick just because you’re nice to me Toews.”

“Dude.” Jonny glares at him, “Like I’d need to stoop that low.”

“It’s weird man,” Patrick rolls his eyes at him, “That’s all.”

“Being told you’re an incredible hockey player is weird?” Jonny laughs at him, “Because something tells me you’ve been told that a lot.”

Patrick flips him the bird again, but there’s a quiet smile on his face, and he doesn’t look quite as heartbroken as he had before.

\---

Jonny hopes that their second year will be better for Kaner, with his dad having less of a hold on him, but now he’s not billeted with Bowman, he’s got his own place, and his dad is practically living with him, commuting between Buffalo and Chicago whenever he can, staying with Patrick whenever they have a long homestand, even coming on nights out with them, which is beyond weird.

He says as much to Seabs, “Do you think it’s weird that Kaner’s dad is like….”

“Dude.” Seabs doesn’t even let him finish the sentence, “Everything about that man is weird.” He shakes his head in disbelief, “Did you know he made Kaner play with a broken arm.”

“I mean…” Jonny tries to rationalise it, “We’ve all played through injuries.”

“Sure…” Seabs laughs, “As adults, yeah, as a fucking ten year old?”

Jonny feels his eyes widen, “Like, fuck.”

“But go on,” Seabs passes him another beer, they’re just chilling on the couch, “Tell me what you were about to say, because honestly, the weirdness of Kane Sr is like a fucking car crash man, I can’t get enough of it.”

“I just,” Jonny pauses, wondering if he might be betraying Patrick’s confidence, but it’s nothing Patrick’s told him, just something he’s noticed, “Have you ever realised that Kaner only picks up when his dad is out with us.”

Seabs shrugs, “Like, maybe it’s an avoidance tactic, I wouldn’t want to spend time with him on a night out, pulling is like the best way to get out of that.”

Jonny nods in agreement, but it just doesn’t make sense, because Kaner never picks up when his dad isn’t there, which is more weird than the fact that he always picks up when his dad is.

\---

As far as teammates go, Patrick Sharp is not one of Jonny’s favourites, but as far as people in Kaner’s life, Sharpy is the fucking best. He’s always got his arms around him, calling him ‘little baby peek-a-boo’ and treating him like he’s a child. Which would be patronising, except Jonny wonders if anyone in Kaner’s life has ever treated him like a child before – has ever treated him like a human before, not some sort of hockey producing robot.

“Come hang out,” Sharpy’s bothering him, “Hang out at mine, not a bar tonight.”

“Eh,” Kaner’s looking interested, “Tiki’s in town tonight, like, he probably wants to go over game tapes if we’re not going out out.”

“It’s my birthday,” Sharpy wheedles.

Kaner laughs at him outright, “No it fucking isn’t.”

“Does Kane Sr realise that?” Sharpy asks. Jonny’s noticed that the team resolutely refuse to call Patrick Kane Sr by the moniker that he prefers, they always call him Mr Kane, or Kane Sr, or occasionally Pat Sr.

“Probably,” Kaner shrugs again, a resigned air about him, “He probably has all of your stats memorised like he does for every other player in the league.”

“Seriously though kid,” Sharpy has his arm around Kaner’s shoulders, “Being a part of this team isn’t just about being the best fucking hockey player in the world.”

“Sharpy has a point,” Seabs cuts in, “Like, you must have hung out with your teammates as a kid.”

Patrick blushes a little, “Not really,” he mutters, “Didn’t have time.” At their confused faces he clarifies, “Like, I was usually on more than one team at a time before I went pro, there was barely time to fit all the practises in, let alone hang out. Plus schoolwork and stuff.”

“You need to live!” Sharpy moans, it’s perhaps a little dramatic, but Jonny can’t help but agree. “Like all you do is hockey and occasionally get laid, and whilst that is a beautiful lifestyle, we miss you.”

Kaner frowns, “I can ask,” is all he says, “I make no promises.”

He doesn’t come to Sharpy’s that night, Jonny wonders if he even asked about it – but none of them mention it. He feels like they’ve all come to a silent resolve to do something about it.

\---

With Tiki almost permanently in town, Kaner’s self loathing has increased again, so Jonny does the only thing he can think of – it’s his responsibility now, he’s captain after all.

So he usually ends his nights when they’re on the road by telling Kaner that he did an ok job, and when they watch game tape together he points out Patrick’s successes as easily as he points out his faults. He praises him publicly, which he knows Kaner hates, but he does it to the others too, so he’s not playing favourites – although he has to constantly check himself on that one, because despite it all, Kaner is his favourite.

It’s one night, after a particularly bad loss during a homestand that Jonny realises he and Kaner are the last to leave the locker room, and maybe he’d been being slow to keep an eye on Patrick, but Patrick himself is getting dressed at a snails pace.

“Procrastinating?” Jonny asks him softly, sitting down in the stall beside him.

Patrick nods, looking up at Jonny, and for the first time, Jonny can see tear drops clinging to his pale eyelashes. “Sometimes man,” he sighs, “I dunno, I just can’t.”

Jonny can’t stop himself, he reaches out and draws Patrick into his arms. “Hey,” he says softly into the mess of blonde curls, “Let it out on me, and then go and be who you need to be.”

“I…” Patrick starts to protest, but Jonny shushes him with a hand stroking through his curls.

“I’m gay.” Jonny’s blurts out, “And now you know my biggest secret, so you can be fucking sure I’m not going to tell yours.”

“You’re fucking insane,” Patrick sniffles into his shoulder, “And I’m still not sucking your dick.”

Jonny lets out a bark of laughter, pulling Patrick closer, and for a few minutes, they just sit there, holding each other.

Eventually, Patrick straightens up. “I’m ok now.” He nods, he’s talking to himself mostly Jonny thinks, as he goes for his tie. Then quieter, he adds, “Thanks Taze.”

“Anytime.” Jonny replies honestly, he truly means it.

“Oh, and erm,” Kaner looks awkward for a moment, “The other thing you said,” he’s tugging at his hair, like it’s physically uncomfortable for him to say something, “Like, I don’t have a problem with it or whatever.”

Jonny hadn’t ever thought for a moment that he might, but it’s reassuring none-the-less. “Thanks buddy.”

“Maybe, erm,” Patrick loops his tie over his head, tightening it from where he never untied it in the first place, “Don’t tell Tiki though yeah, because he really won’t be.”

“I wouldn’t,” Jonny grins at him, “I mean, I nearly did that first dinner I had with your folks, just because it was so fucking awkward.”

Patrick startles him with a burst of laughter, “Oh my god,” He grins at Jonny, “You’re ridiculous Toes.”

Jonny shrugs, he’s happy to be ridiculous if he can pull that smile out of Patrick after a loss.

\---

It’s a few weeks later after a loss on the road when Jonny comes back to the room to see that Patrick’s clearly been crying again. Jonny tries to be as considerate as he can, even putting his shoes neatly by his bed, but Patrick mostly ignores him. It’s not until he’s climbing into bed, having turned the lights out that Patrick’s voice comes across from the other bed.

“Did you mean it?”

As far as Jonny’s concerned, it’s a complete non-sequitur, “Did I mean what?”

He can practically hear Kaner thinking in the dark. “When you said anytime.”

Jonny takes a minute, to realise what Kaner’s asking, and then, slowly, slips out of his bed, and into the bed beside Patrick. “Yep,” he breathes softly, pulling the smaller man into his arms.

“Fuck,” Patrick sobs, and then, burying his face into Jonny’s shoulder, let himself cry.

Jonny falls asleep with his hand running through Patrick’s curls, and Patrick’s tears soaking into the shoulder of his t-shirt.

\---

The next two games on the road are a loss, and after each one, Patrick voluntarily climbs into bed with Jonny – he doesn’t cry, but he lets Jonny draw him into his arms, and card his hands through his hair, so Jonny can tell he’s feeling shaken by it.

Honestly, Jonny tries not to enjoy it, because he’s doing this for Patrick, he’s doing this because Patrick had apparently never been given physical affection, never been told that he’s good enough. Still, Jonny hasn’t gotten laid since he was home over the summer, and Kaner is, well, Kaner. It’s not like he’s unattractive, not with those curls and dimples, and he’s starting to develop more muscles than he’d had when he was first drafted.

He tries not to bury his nose in Kaner’s curls, but he’s weak, he tries not to enjoy the way Kaner’s muscles move, but frankly, it’s impossible. It takes all of his self-control not to slide his hands across Kaner’s abs, not to run his fingers across the edge of his hipbone, not to let his lips trail across the shell of Kaner’s ear.

He ends up jerking off twice in the shower before he gets into bed the second night in the vague hope that it will help him get some sleep, but even if his sleep is disturbed by the desire to grind up against his teammate, it’s worth it for the smiles Kaner gives him before he skates out on the ice.

Their third and final game for that road trip is a win, and Kaner comes out with them for dinner, which Jonny definitely chalks up as a win, it’s like a double win. But then that night, Kaner seems more awkward than ever. He’s usually in bed before Jonny, but tonight he’s sat on top of his bed, watching game tape, which seems a little out of character for after a win. It’s not until Jonny’s in his shower that he realises what’s happening inside Kaner’s head, and perhaps it’s a little worrying that they’re in that place now where he can see what’s happening inside his head. But he finishes up his shower, and crawls carefully into his bed, taking up the minimum amount of room, and then flicks the corner of the covers back.

“Kaner,” he says softly.

“Uh huh?” Patrick doesn’t look up from what he’s watching.

“Patrick.” Jonny sighs,

“I said yes.” Kaner rolls his eyes, but still refuses to look over at Jonny.

“Fucks sake Peeks,” Jonny sighs, “Come to bed already, it’s late.”

That makes Patrick look over in shock, at Jonny, lying on one half of the bed, covers pulled back for him. “Oh,” he says softly, “I, erm, we won?” He finishes lamely.

Jonny shrugs, “So, you realise I don’t cuddle you because of how you perform on the ice yeah?” He tries to act nonchalant, it’s the first time he’s actually spoken about it out loud, but he knows this is what Patrick needs to hear.

“Oh.” Patrick doesn’t smile, but he does close the laptop and crawl into bed beside Jonny, flicking the light out as he goes. “I don’t deserve this,” he says softly into Jonny’s shoulder.

Jonny lets his fingers tangle in Patrick’s hair, there’s a million things he wants to say to Patrick, that cuddles aren’t supposed to be deserved, or that everyone deserves cuddles, or even that if cuddles did need to be deserved then Patrick would definitely deserve them. “Me either,” he says softly, pulling Patrick closer.

\--

It becomes their routine, no matter what city, what hotel, whether they win or lose, Patrick will climb into Jonny’s bed, and Jonny will force down his ever growing arousal to wrap his arms around him and pull him in close. He starts calling him Peeks, like the others do, and whilst they don’t argue any less, there’s less venom in it, it’s more about hockey and less about personal attacks.

“How did you know?” Patrick asks out of the blue one night, it’s dark, and he’s mumbling into Jonny’s shoulder.

“How did I know what?”

“The gay thing.” Patrick clarifies. “How did you know.”

Jonny shrugs, “I guess, I never enjoyed making out with girls,” he’s speaking softly, even more aware than usual that he’s in bed with Patrick while they’re having this conversation, but Kaner brought it up in the first place. “Then I went to SSM,” he continues, “And erm, things happened.” He stares up at the ceiling, a dark blush staining his cheeks.

“Dude,” Kaner pokes him in the ribs, “You had your gay awakening at boarding school, you’re such a cliché.”

“Fuck off,” Jonny snarks back, “There wasn’t a lot to do except hockey and hooking up, and the girls weren’t allowed in our dorms.” He lets himself glance down at Patrick, who isn’t look at him anyway, “I think I knew before then,” he said, “Like I said, girls weren’t the most enjoyable experience for me.”

Patrick nods against Jonny’s chest.

Jonny gets the feeling that Patrick wants him to keep talking, so of course, he does. “I guess I knew before SSM, but that was when I admitted it to myself. I didn’t tell my parents until I was at UND though.”

“Why did you tell them?”

Jonny shrugs, “Felt right, I was sort of interested in dating a guy, but I thought he might have been straight, and honestly, I needed to talk to my mum about it.”

“Was it Broshie?” Patrick can’t resist the jibe.

“Fuck you.” Jonny glares at him, “And for reference, I’m totally over him.”

“Oh my God!” Patrick lets out a startled burst of laughter, “Dude, I was totally chirping you, I didn’t actually think….”

“Shit,” Jonny blushes again, “I mean, like, he’s super straight, it was just a stupid crush.”

“You have awful taste bro,” Patrick grins up at him. He instantly sobers again however, “Were your parents mad?”

Jonny shakes his head, “Worried I think, worried about me being in the NHL, the scrutiny I’m under, the likelihood of some random hook-up outing me, the chances I’ll stay in the closet publicly until my career is over.”

“Shit,” Patrick whispers, “It sucks.”

Jonny shrugs, “Not like I get a choice buddy,” he cards his hands through Patrick’s curls, “And I’d pick this life over being some random college student who’s out.”

“Hockey over everything.” Patrick says softly, but it sounds more like it’s him saying it this time, less like he’s echoing his dad.

“For a few years, yeah, Hockey over everything.”

Patrick gets quiet, and Jonny thinks he’s fallen asleep, and he’s almost drifting off himself when he hears Patrick quietly admit. “I don’t like hooking up with chicks either.”

Jonny can feel the tears prick the back of his eyes, he leans down and presses a soft kiss into Patrick’s mop of curls, “I know Peeksy, it’s ok.”

Patrick lets himself bury his face in Jonny’s neck, “You make me think it might be.”

\--

If you want to make a plan in the Blackhawks, there’s only one man to go to, and that’s Patrick Sharp.

“I need a favour,” Jonny says quietly, they’re sitting having coffee together, and he knows Sharpy’s been expecting this.

“Anything Cap,” Sharpy grins,

“Just, before I ask you this, can you just,” Jonny runs his hands through his hair, “don’t ask too many questions.”

“No can do kiddo,” Sharpy is at least honest, “You know I’m a nosy fucker yeah?”

Jonny sighs, he’s going to need to find a way to do this without outing Patrick, and there’s only one way he can see. “Ok, fine.” He sighs again, and then draws on his courage, “But if you tell anyone, I’m going to kill you.” He fixes Sharpy with his best shark eyes, “I’m gay.”

“Woah,” Sharpy looks genuinely surprised, “I did not see that coming.”

Jonny shrugs, “It’s not public knowledge, so I’d appreciate you not spreading it around.”

“Of course Jonny,” Sharpy must be being serious if he’s using Jonny’s first name, “Like, thanks for telling me.”

Jonny shrugs, “As I said, I need a favour.” He waits for Sharpy’s gesture to continue, and then takes another breath, it’s more lies, but he’s thought about this now, “I’m pretty sure Kane Sr is a homophobic douchebag.”

“Agreed,” Sharpy nods sadly, “He does give off that vibe.”

“And like, Kaner’s asked me to go and stay with them during the off season, it seems a bit of a douche move to refuse on the off chance his dad’s a homophobe, but I don’t want to go and stay if he is.”

“So we need a way to make him prove it,” Sharpy realises where he’s going. “I already have the perfect plan, but we’re going to need help.”

“From who?” Jonny’s hesitant, involving more people at this point runs the risk of him having to out himself to more people, and he already didn’t enjoy having to tell Sharpy.

“Duncs and Seabs,” Sharpy says, “Like, we don’t have to tell them why, just tell them that we want to piss off Kaner’s dad, they’ll go along with it.”

“Ok,” That reassures Jonny a little, “So what’s the plan?”

\--

A few weeks later, Sharpy organises a barbeque for the whole team and families, he invites Kaner, and of course, because it’s during a home stretch, Tiki’s being staying with him, so he invites him too.

“Please,” Jonny says a few days before the barbeque, “Like, it’s shitty your dad has to be there, but come hang out with us.” He laces his fingers through Patrick’s, “I never get to hang out with you at home.”

“I can ask,” is all Patrick says.

But clearly, Tiki’s in a good mood, because he and Patrick show up at Sharpy’s place with beer, and they settle in for the afternoon.

It’s awesome, Jonny decides, he doesn’t normally get to hang out with Patrick for long periods of time, except when they’re at training, or cuddled up in bed. So sitting side by side, with beers in their hands while their teammates kids run around the backyard screaming – it’s awesome.

They eat terribly cooked food, and the older guys with kids take them off home to bed, until it’s just the younger guys left behind, with a handful of girlfriends, although the majority of them are single. And as the sun is setting, Jonny knows that the plan is going into action.

“Duncs,” Seabs is sat on one of the sun loungers, “Bring me beer.”

Duncs rolls his eyes, but disappears into the house and reappears with beers, he hands one to Seabs, and then settles in between Seabs legs.

Jonny tries not to watch, they’re being so casual about it, and he knows it’s an act, but jealousy stirs in the pit of his stomach – he wants to be able to hold someone like that at team events – he doesn’t care that he’s not out to the media, but he wishes he could have the normality of having someone by his side.

Seabs slides his arms around Duncs waist, and Duncs casually leans back, tilting his head up for a kiss.

Jonny feels his heart thumping, he glances over at Tiki Kane, because he can’t bring himself to look over at Patrick. The older man is turning puce, but nobody else is reacting – most of the team have been briefed that they’re trying to rile him up.

“Buzz,” He stands up, walking over to where Patrick’s sat. “Let’s go.”

Patrick stands meekly, letting his head hang, he looks back only to mouth the word ‘sorry’ at Sharpy, before they’re heading out.

“Wow.” Sharpy stands, and goes to sit next to Jonny, “Well that answers that question.” He frowns, and then looks over at Duncs and Seabs. “You guys realise you can stop making out now yeah?”

Seabs pulls away with a laugh, “Dude, he has surprising amounts of skill.”

“Thanks bro,” Duncs holds his hand up for a fist bump.

“Ridiculous,” Sharpy laughs, “This wasn’t a scheme to get you guys in each others pants you realise.”

Jonny just wants to go home, well, to tell the truth, he wants to go a hotel somewhere, somewhere where he’s with Patrick, he wants to pull him into his arms, into a world that doesn’t have Tiki Kane. As all of his teammates laugh about pissing off Patrick’s dad, Jonny’s the only one wondering if maybe this prank went too far, because Kaner is the one who has to deal with the aftermath.

He’s justified the next day, when Patrick comes into practise the next morning, even paler the next day. Jonny drags him off to a quiet corner, and wraps his arms around him.

“He’s on the phone to Brisson,” Patrick says quietly, “Asking about getting me traded.”

Jonny reflexively tightens his grip, “They won’t let that happen,” he’s fierce, insistent, “I won’t let that happen.”

“Like you can fucking stop it.”

But Jonny can, so he drags Patrick up to Stan’s office.

“Jonathan, Patrick.” Stan looks surprised to see them as they burst through the door.

“We played a stupid prank,” Jonny garbles, he knows taking the rap for it will go better for him than him blaming Sharpy for the prank, “And now Pat’s dad wants him traded.”

Stan Bowman sighs, putting his head in his hands, he’d had enough dealings with Tiki Kane over the past year and a half, he’s seen Patrick after his phone calls with his dad, hell, he’s had Kane Senior calling him after a particularly bad loss, trying to tell him how the coaches need to make Patrick better. “We’re not going to trade you Pat,” he says slowly.

“But,” Patrick’s voice is shaking, “He’s on the phone to Brisson.”

“And Pat Brisson knows as well as you and I do that Chicago is where you belong. You’re not going anywhere.” Stan sighs, “Perhaps I should suggest to your dad that you come and live with me for a year or two again.” It’s not ideal, they’re dealing with a lot as a family at the moment, but if it gets Patrick a little space from his parents, it might be worth it.

“He won’t.” Patrick breathes a little easier however, knowing Stan always has his back, has always had his back. “He won’t let me, but thank you for offering.”

It’s then that Jonny decides that he needs to do something, anything, as long as it gets Patrick away from his dad.

It’s a few weeks later that it occurs to him, if Patrick’s rental agreement is anything like his, it will have some clause about not having people stay more than a percentage of the time – all he needs to do is report them anonymously to the landlord, and Tiki won’t be able to stay anymore. He suggests it to Patrick during practise one day.

“I don’t know,” Patrick sighs, they’re leaning against the boards, watching the others practise their shootouts. “What if I lose my apartment.”

Jonny shrugs, “You can come and live with me.” He has a spare room, not that he imagines they’d use it, but still – the idea of having Patrick somewhere he can keep an eye on him has a certain appeal.

“What if my dad makes me buy a place?”

Jonny shrugs, “In this market? It’s not a great time for an investment Peeks,” he grins at him, “We’ll be ok.”

Patrick shrugs, weighing up the options in his mind, and then reaches out to knock his glove against Jonny’s. “Ok,” he says softly, “Lets do it.”

It does of course, result in an epic tantrum from Patrick Kane Sr, Patrick blames the anonymous tip on the old lady from the floor below who’s always into his business, but still, the fury that emits from Tiki is a sight to behold. When Patrick comes into practise the next day, he’s white as a sheet.

“How did it go?” Jonny asks, sitting down beside him.

Patrick shrugs, “He’s gone.” He doesn’t look at Jonny, “First flight out today.”

“You ok?” Jonny doesn’t hesitate, he wraps his arm around Patrick’s shoulder and pulls him in close to his side.

Patrick shakes his head, “He wanted me to buy a place, I said what you did, and we’ve agreed that as long as I phone every night, I’m ok to stay on my own.”

Jonny tries not to scoff, because he’s close to his parents, but if they insisted on him calling every night he’d refuse to do it, just on principle. “You’ll be ok Peeks,” he says softly, burying his nose into Patrick’s hair, he doesn’t know if it’s the height difference, but Patrick always seems way younger than him. “And if you get lonely,” he squeezes him tighter, “You can come round to mine.”

It takes a few days, but Patrick starts to brighten up again, not having his father’s presence every second he’s at home is good for him. He still has the phone calls, but honestly, he seems to deal with those better with Jonny’s arms wrapped around him, tucked safe under Jonny’s chin. He starts going out with the boys more, and leaving with random puck bunnies less – he even hangs out at Sharpy’s place, starting a routine of weekly ‘Patrick’ time.

After losses, he heads back to Jonny’s place with him, dealing with the phone call from his dad by cuddling up to Jonny on the couch, Jonny’s arms around him making it easier to cope, the prospect of climbing into bed with Jonny the light at the end of the tunnel the phone call causes.

“You ever go to gay clubs?” He asks one night, his head resting on Jonny’s shoulder. Their fingers are intertwined, and Patrick’s playing with Jonny’s hand, lifting his fingers up one by one and letting them drop.

“Nope.” Jonny admits, “Too risky.”

“Dating apps?”

Jonny shakes his head, “I mostly hook up with guys I know when I’m back home, like guys I know who won’t say anything.”

“And you just don’t hook up the entire season?” Patrick raises an eyebrow at him.

Jonny shrugs, “It’s not the end of the world.”

Patrick scoffs, before moving his hand to skate across Jonny’s abs, “You could hook up with me you know.” He says it softly, but it’s perfectly audible in the silence that surrounds them.

“Peeks,” Jonny catches his hand, wrapping it in his own. “That’s a terrible idea.”

Patrick frowns, “Because I’m not cute?”

Jonny rolls his eyes, “You know just how fucking adorable you are Peeks, don’t try that one on me.” He runs his hand across his face, “It’s just not a good plan.”

“Why?” Patrick looks up at him, “I think you’re hot, you think I’m hot – why not?”

Jonny sighs, trying to think best how to explain this to Patrick, “It’s more than just me finding you hot Peeks,” he confesses softly, “I like you.”

Patrick grins up at him, “That just makes it better,” he nuzzles against Jonny’s neck, “We should date.”

“We should not date!” Jonny corrects him, “I like you, and you feel misplaced affection towards me because I’m the first person in your life to offer unconditional affection.”

Kaner rolls his eyes at him, “In English?”

“You only like me because I’m nice to you, and you’re not used to it.”

“That’s not true,” Patrick glares at him, “I mean, yeah I like you because you’re kind, but it’s not, like, misplaced or whatever.”

“That’s just it Peeks,” Jonny presses a soft kiss into his curls, “You live in a world where kindness is always an exchange, it’s not something just offered – so I’m kind to you, and you feel the need to repay that to me in some way, in this case, sexual favours.”

“It’s not.” Patrick pouts, “I swear it’s not.”

“You can’t know that Peeksy,” Jonny sighs, “Go to sleep ok? And trust me on this one.”

Patrick doesn’t go to sleep, but he does lie there silently in Jonny’s arms thinking of ways to prove to him that this is real.

\---

For a few days, Patrick mulls it over in his mind, he knows what he wants to do, but has no idea how to go about it. Still, the next time he goes to training alone, he turns up with a cold brew coffee for Jonny as well as his own coffee.

“Thanks Peeks,” Jonny grins gratefully at him, he’s always terrible in the mornings, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Patrick grins smugly at him, “Kindness isn’t an exchange Jonny,” he smirks as he throws Jonny’s words back to him.

“I mean,” Jonny’s eyes flicker over him, “Thanks.”

\---

Their next game is on the road, and it’s a loss, but as they skate off Patrick catches Jonny by the elbow, walking down the tunnel with him. “You played sweet Taze,” he says softly.

Jonny frowns at him, “That’s my line.”

Patrick shrugs, “True for both of us, it wasn’t our night, but you’re fucking beauty man.”

Jonny slides his arm around Patrick’s waist, “Thanks Peeks.” He pulls him in close as they get into the locker room. “I don’t need it though.” He whispers softly into his ear.

Patrick shrugs, “Neither do I,” he gives a wry smile, “Technically.” He lets his head fall onto Jonny’s shoulder, “You do it to be nice to me, I’m doing it to be nice back. That’s how friendship works dweeb.”

Jonny snorts, ruffling Patrick’s hair with his hand, “Thanks Peeksy.”

\---

They have a three day stay in a hotel because of how the schedule works out, and because Jonny is Jonny, his half of the room is a total bombsite. Patrick waits until he’s having a captain’s meeting with the other A’s and the coaches before he tidies it for him.

When Jonny gets back, he walks into the room, looks around and starts to walk out, “Sorry,” he says, “Wrong room.”

Patrick throws a pair of socks at him. They’re clean, because he has standards.

“Sorry,” Jonny sticks his head back in, “Was it that bad?”

Patrick shrugged, “Just thought it might be nice, you were busy and that.”

“Oh.” Jonny throws himself down onto the now made bed, “I mean, thanks and all.”

Patrick grins at him, blinding and bright, “No problem Taze,” he hops off his own bed, and climbs into Jonny’s, snuggling into him.

“How come you’re always so tidy anyhow?” Jonny wraps his arms around Patrick, holding him close.

Patrick shrugs, “Tiki isn’t a big fan of mess.” He says it softly, but the implication is clear, “And after a while it’s just habit I guess.”

Jonny presses a kiss into Patrick’s curls, “Well thank you.”

\---

The next time they’re on a plane, Patrick remembers the bag of cacao treats in his carry on and fishes them out for Jonny. “Come snack and watch game footage with me.”

“These for me?” Jonny grabs the bag off his seat, sitting down next to Kaner.

“I don’t fucking want them,” Patrick grins at him, pulling a packet of Reece’s out for himself. “I eat real candy.” He puts his laptop on the tray in front of them, loading up the footage from their last game.

Jonny flicks up the seat rest between them, and pulls Patrick into his side. “Let’s get this done then Peeksy.”

\---

“Are you wooing Tazer?” Sharpy asks him bluntly over coffee one afternoon.

Patrick flushes bright red, “Is it that obvious?”

“I mean, yeah.” Sharpy grins, “I’m surprised you didn’t just make a move.” He glances over his rookie, “You don’t really strike me as the romancing type.”

Another blush, “Jonny doesn’t think I actually like him, I’m just fucked up and it’s misplaced affection or whatever.”

Sharpy frowns, “I’m sure he doesn’t think you’re fucked up kid,” it’s a platitude, he’s well aware that they all think Kaner’s a little bit fucked up.

“No, but like, he has this theory that I’m only into him because he’s the first person who’s ever been nice to me.”

Sharpy considers it for a moment, Tazer might be right, but on the other hand, Peeks seems really into their Captain. “So what have you tried already?”

Still blushing, Patrick gives him a quick recap.

“Nice,” Sharpy grins, “I mean, I’ve no idea why Captain Serious is the object of your affections, he’s kind of funny looking.”

Kaner rolls his eyes, “I’m not asking you to bang him.”

“Your wooing skills are good though Peek-a-boo,” Sharpy is nothing short of encouraging, he wants his rookie to have a happy ending after all, “Now lets brainstorm some more ideas.”

\---

On Sharpy’s advice, Patrick turns up with Jonny’s coffee order again the next morning, his hair completely free of styling products for once, “Hey Taze,” he grins headbutting Jonny’s shoulder.

Jonny can’t resist, he tugs Patrick in for a quick hug, “Morning Peeks.” He presses a kiss to the side of Patrick’s head.

They settle into a routine, and ok, so perhaps the other guys on the team notice it. When Jonny takes a bad hit in the third period of a home game, he’s still in with the trainers when the others dejectedly leave the ice. He gets back to the dressing room, to find Patrick wrapped up in Sharpy’s arms.

“Hey Taze,” Sharpy grins over at him, “You weren’t here to give Peekaboo a cuddle when we got off the ice, I thought I’d step in.”

“I thought it was rookie cuddling time,” Seabs appears behind Jonny, and wraps his long arms around him, rubbing his sweaty hand over Jonny’s face.

Jonny can’t work out whether to be pleased, that Patrick has a whole team watching his back, or jealous, because he likes being the one who gets to hold Peeks. Still, it’s something when the whole team are pulled into a post-loss cuddle.

\---

The next away game, Patrick is in bed before Jonny, as usual, but this time, when Jonny swans in from the bathroom, clad only in his ridiculously tiny underwear to start his yoga routine, Patrick puts down his phone, and tucks his hands behind his head.

“Uh Peeks?” Jonny glances over towards him, “You ok?”

Kaner shrugs, “I figured it was time to stop pretending not to watch.”

Jonny flushes bright red, even more visible than usual due to his minimal clothing. “Um,” he stammered softly, looking up at Patrick, he has no real grounds to argue, Patrick’s told him he think’s he’s cute, he thinks Patrick’s cute, but if Peeks knew just how his gaze affected Jonny. He messes up his routine more than he ever does, and it’s something that should really be second nature by this stage – he tries to run plays in his head while he does it, to stop him getting hard under Patrick’s unrelenting stare, but the plays only lead him back to thinking about Patrick, and glancing back up at him, still sat on his bed, legs spread under the cover.

“You’re a fucking tease Peeks,” Jonny grumbles as he gets into bed beside him.

Patrick shrugged, snuggling close to Jonny, pressing his erection up against Jonny’s thigh. “Yep,” he grins smugly up at Jonny, “Yep I am.”

Jonny groans, pressing his face into Patrick’s curls, starting his nightly routine of desperately wishing his own erection away, “It’s a good job I like you Peeksy.”

Patrick just wriggles happily, silently thanking Sharpy for his advice.

\---

They make the playoffs, which is incredible, because it’s the Stanley cup playoffs, but it’s also hell, because Patrick’s whole family are there to watch. They start in their own barn, which is even worse, because Jonny can’t drag Patrick back to their hotel room, still, they win both games against Calgary, so it could have been even worse.

Losing against Calgary in their barn is hard, even more so when Tiki accosts Patrick in the family room after the game and berates him in front of the entire team. Jonny has to fight not to go over and give him a piece of his own mind, but instead, he heads to his own parents.

“You played hard cheri,” Andree reaches up to give her son a hug.

“Thank you maman,” Jonny smiles, soft and sad, “We all played hard, I don’t think for a second that any of these boys are to blame. We just didn’t play as well Calgary did.” He wishes he was brave enough to say it loud enough for the sound to carry to Patrick’s ears.

“I’m proud of you,” Andree smiles at him, “You’re a good Captain.”

Jonny grins at her, “Be proud of yourself, you taught me.”

That night, he pulls Patrick into bed beside him, “You played a good game Peeksy, you always do.”

Patrick nods softly, “I know,” He glances up at Jonny, “I could hear your voice in my mind telling me that, all the time Tiki was off on one.”

“Good,” Jonny can’t help it, he reaches down and presses a soft kiss to Patrick’s cheek. It’s nothing, in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like such an indulgence in that moment.

\---

Jonny thinks nothing can take away from him how it feels to make it through to the conference finals. Until Detroit beat them in 5, and whilst it would have been nice to win, he knows that’s the game of hockey, they just weren’t good enough. However when he sees the look on Patrick Kane Sr’s face, and the look of terror on Kaner’s – and he thinks maybe if they couldn’t win the cup, he’d have rather not been in the playoffs at all, and that’s a terrible thought to have.

\---

Locker clean out day is always hard, but knowing what he’s sending Patrick off to, makes it that much harder.

“I don’t want you to go home,” Jonny pouts petulantly, pulling Peeks into his arms.

“I know,” Patrick lets himself breath in the scent of Jonny, “You could come visit.”

Jonny shakes his head, still not letting go of Patrick, “I can’t, chances that I’ll lose my shit and actually punch your dad are too high.”

Patrick snorts, “Call me then?” He asks, he’s clearly trying to sound chill, but there’s a note of desperation underneath it.

“Always,” Jonny knows he should let Peeks go, they’ve been hugging for so long now, but he can’t make himself, “You should come to Winnipeg.”

“Yeah,” Patrick grins up at him, “I’ll ask if I can.”

It’s just then, that Patrick Sharp walks behind the pair of them, slapping Jonny hard on the ass, “You guys are being weird.” He stares at them shaking his head, “Like, either make out or don’t.”

Jonny rolls his eyes, but takes a step back, not without a fond ruffle of Patrick’s curls, “I’m gonna miss you Peeksy,”

“Just kiss him already,” Sharpy smirks at the pair of them.

Jonny’s proud of himself because he only thinks about it for half a second.

\---

They message, constantly throughout the summer, Jonny sends Patrick pictures of the fish he’s caught, Patrick sending Jonny the drills he’s been running, and terrible commentary on the chick flicks he’s been watching with his sisters.

They’re nearly three weeks in before Patrick breaks and calls him, it’s late, and he’s already in bed, covers pulled up to his chin.

“Hey Taze,” he tries to sound chill on the phone.

Jonny can hear instantly the catch in Patrick’s voice, “Peeks, you ok?”

Patrick shrugs, a futile move for a phone call, “Just wanted to hear your voice.” He confesses softly.

“That bad a day huh?”

That’s all it takes for Patrick to start crying again, he does it softly, but Jonny can hear the breaks in his breathing as he tries to talk, “Just, y’know.”

“I know Peeksy,” Jonny sighs softly, he’s already in bed himself, in fact he’d been drifting off to sleep, but there’s no way he wouldn’t answer a phone call from Kaner. “You’re a good hockey player Peeks.”

Patrick lets out a soft chuckle, “I know,” he says softly.

“And a good person,” Jonny adds, he knows Patrick gets told he’s good at hockey, sometimes enough that he thinks that’s all he’s good for, “And you’re a good friend Peeks.”

“Even when I call you up to cry down the phone at you?” Patrick huffs out a laugh through his tears.

“Especially when you call me up to cry down the phone at me.” Jonny says softly, and then, “What can I do to help Peeks?” He has to ask, because normally he’d just pull Patrick into his arms.

“Stay here with me,” Patrick asks, and it’s testament to how far their friendship has come that he can ask for things from Jonny, “Talk to me, tell me about your day.”

So Jonny does, he tells him about the friends he’s hung out with, their utterly uninteresting gossip, uninteresting even to Jonny, who knows them all, which has got to be worse for Patrick who doesn’t have a clue who these people are, he tells him about his gym work out, and about what he’s eaten. Eventually, he hears Patrick’s breathing even out on the other end of the line.

“You awake Peeksy?” He asks quietly.

There’s nothing but an indistinct mumble from Patrick.

“Gonna hang up now Patrick,” Jonny whispers, “Night Peeks. Sweet dreams.”

They don’t call every night, only when Patrick’s had a really bad day, and Jonny will tell him boring details about his home life until Patrick falls asleep, and more than once he wakes up the next morning, phone discarded on the pillow beside him, line still open to Patrick’s phone. It’s hell on their phone bills, but neither of them care.

“You asleep Peeks?” It’s become a familiar question on Jonny’s lips.

“Almost,” Patrick replies sleepily, “You can hang up.”

“Ok,” Jonny’s feeling just as tired, “Sweet dreams Peeksy,”

“Night Jonny,” Patrick murmurs back, “Love you.”

That’s how Jonny ends up sat upright in his bed in the middle of the night, staring at his phone, he briefly considers hanging up in a panic, but he’s more mature than that.

“Peeks?” Jonny can’t keep the nervous quiver out of his voice, “You, er, you still awake?”

Patrick laughs, “More than I was.” He admits, “That, erm, slipped out.” Jonny knows he’ll be nervously twisting one of his curls around a finger, “I don’t not mean it though.”

“I mean…” Jonny clears his throat, “I sort of love you too.”

“Sort of?” Patrick lets out a snort of laughter.

“Fine Kaner, I love you. Happy?”

That just starts Patrick off giggling, “Worst love declaration ever Taze.”

“It’s true though.” Jonny wishes he could be there with Patrick, wishes he could hold him close.

“You gonna date me then Taze?” Patrick asks, “Because I think that’s where we are now.”

“I mean, most people wait for the whole snuggling in bed and declaring love until after the dating.”

“Your fault,” Patrick laughs, “But I’m asking again, you gonna date me Jonny?”

Jonny sighs, “I would like to,” he admits, and then tries again, “I will. Peeks, go on a date with me when we get back to Chicago?”

“I’d love to.” Patrick’s smile can be heard down the phone line.

“Now go to sleep Peeksy,” Jonny says softly, “I’ve got some date planning to do.”

“Ok Taze, goodnight…” Patrick leaves a deliberately long pause, “You say it first this time.”

Jonny lets out a sigh, because he doesn’t know why, but he does love this frustrating, broken, endearing boy, “I love you Peeks.”

“Love you too Taze.” Patrick’s still smiling when he hangs up the call

\---

Jonny gets back to Chicago first, he knows Kaner’s family don’t see the point in him coming down more than a few days before training camp, so he has opportunity to catch up with the rest of the team before Patrick is there to distract him, for he knows he will.

He finds himself round at Patrick Sharps house instead, lounging out in his garden, each of them a beer in their hands.

“Peeksy told me you gave him advice on how to drive me insane.” Jonny glares accusingly at his older teammate, there’s no real venom behind it however, he knows Sharpy has their best interests at heart.

“I told him how to woo you,” Sharpy grins, “Not my fault you were predictably into it.” For a moment, there’s silence, both of them taking long drinks, “But it’s good with you and Peekaboo now?”

Jonny shrugs, “I don’t think it ever wasn’t good.” He admits, “But, we’re going to give it a shot.”

“You’re good for him,” Sharpy says, “He’s more human around you.”

Jonny chuckles, “I think it’s more human when he’s not around his dad,” he brushes off the praise, “But I guess I make that easier for him.”

Again, their comfortable companionable silence, until Jonny speaks again, “I want to take him on a date.”

“Solid plan,” Sharpy agrees, “What’s the game plan for it?”

Jonny shrugs, “Was hoping you’d help with that.”

“Well…” Sharpy has a soft smile on his face, “If you were two other people in the world, I’d have the perfect date for you to take him on, unfortunately, because of who you are, it might take some planning.”

\---

Patrick gets back into town the day before training camp starts, he doesn’t even bother dumping his things at his apartment, going straight to Jonny’s. He hammers a few times on the door, and Jonny’s delighted face when he opens the door makes his decision worth it.

He steps inside and in that moment, Jonny pulls him into his arms, tucking him into the space between his neck and his shoulder, one arm wrapped tightly around his waist, his other going up to tangle in it’s familiar place in Patrick’s curls, cupping the back of his head.

For a few minutes, they stand there in silence, nothing passing between them but the air in their breaths. Eventually, it’s Jonny who breaks the quiet, “I’ve missed you Peeksy.”

“Fuck Jonny,” Patrick’s voice sounds raw, whether with emotion or fatigue. “I’ve missed you so much. Missed this, missed us.”

Jonny takes half a step back, arm still clasped around Patrick’s back, barely breaking the distance between them, he lets his hand drop from Patrick’s curls, instead, tucking his fingertips underneath his chin, tilting his face up towards him, he bends towards him, and then pauses. “You’re sure?”

Peeks doesn’t answer with words, instead, he stretches up and presses his mouth against Jonny’s. His lips are soft, dry, he can feel the edge of his stubble where he hasn’t shaved in a couple of days.

Jonny groans softly, and then, pulling Patrick flush against him, lets himself melt into the kiss, lets himself be consumed by everything he’s wanted since the first moment he pulled Patrick into his arms.

\---

It’s a few days before they have spare time, training camp is exhausting, and most days they just want to fall into bed, but eventually, they have time together, and Jonny can take Patrick on his date.

“How am I dressing for this Taze?”

“Warmly?” Jonny answers hesitantly, “And bring a cap or a toque or something, there’s a slight chance of us being spotted.”

Patrick pouts, “So no hand holding then?”

Jonny just laughs, “We’ll see.”

It’s early evening when he picks Patrick up from his apartment, something he’d promised he’d do, and they take Jonny’s car. He drives him out to a small sports centre in the subburbs, all the while, refusing to tell Patrick where they’re going, and why – which of course, is just driving him crazy.

“Are we going rock climbing?” Patrick asks, hip checking Jonny as he does, spotting the sign on the outside of the sports centre.

“No,” Jonny says a little sadly, “That would be a good date though,” he thinks about staring up at Kaner’s ass above him on the rock climbing wall, framed by the harness, “A really good date.”

“I don’t think we’re allowed.” Patrick says sadly.

Jonny leads him through the sports centre, until they get to the rink.

“You’re taking me skating?” Patrick stares at him incredulously, “Because seriously, after the day we’ve just had, I will cry if you make me put skates on.”

Jonny laughs softly, “No skating Peeksy,” he grins at him, “But I wanted our first date to be something I know we both love.” He pushes open the heavy double doors, “So we’re watching a hockey game.”

It’s a local women’s rec team, playing against another women’s rec team from the area, which means there are hardly any spectators, and Jonny and Patrick can sit near the back of the stands, away from all the fans, away from being recognised.

“I can’t believe you brought me to a hockey game,” Patrick laughs at him, “This is such a busman’s holiday.”

“Shhh,” Jonny nudges him, “It’s nearly puck drop.”

For all Patrick’s teasing, as they sit there, and critique and compliment the women playing in front of them, it’s the best date he’s ever been on. Jonny insists on buying them drinks in the second intermission, and of course, gets recognised doing so, and they agree to go and meet the players after the game, but it’s a small price to pay for sitting in secluded stands, Jonny’s fingers laced through his.

\---

Before their first game of the season, Jonny bumps his helmet against Patrick’s, it’s the closest they can manage to a kiss with the rest of their team watching and ready to fine them. “It’s going to be our year Peeksy, I can feel it.”

They lose, in a shootout, so the second they’re in the locker room, Jonny draws Patrick into his arms again. “Got you.” He whispers softly.

Patrick looks up at him, “I know we lost,” his mouth is quirked up in a wry smile, “But I still think it’s going to be our year Jonny.”

\---

It is their year.

\---

When the families come pouring out onto the ice, after they’ve done their laps around the rink with the cup, Jonny wants to throw himself between Patrick and his father. He’s been just as tough on him as ever in the playoffs, but with Jonny beside him, reminding him he is loved no matter how he performs on the ice, it’s been easier for Patrick to bear.

“You did it Buzz!” Tiki Kane is ecstatic, his arms thrown out wide to embrace Patrick as he leads his wife and daughters out to meet him, “You did it for us kid!”

Patrick turns, and flashes a grin at Jonny, “No,” His voice is quiet, but sure. “I did it for me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr @princesstillyenna
> 
> Thanks for this fic goes out to @soupbowlfulofsins and all the discord team for cheering me own while I wrote this, and providing me with fluff when it got too much.


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